I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
