i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
