i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
