He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
