Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
