I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
