Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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