Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
