went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
