I wish I could teleport
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
