Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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