Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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