ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
