Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
