she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
