you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
