Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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