For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
