Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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