google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
