I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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