Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
