So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
