She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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