and i looked up. we had an audience...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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