If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
