so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize