i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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