So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
