in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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