My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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