Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
