I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
