I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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