Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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