Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
