People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
