I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
