Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
