I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
