yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am spending my child support on dildos
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
