the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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