Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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