thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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