Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
