opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize