A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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