this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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