shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
