It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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