We won't sleep together?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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