i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
