Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
