It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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