I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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