lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
