yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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