why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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