You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
