Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize