Who did Billy Mays play for?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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