I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize