mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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