I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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