Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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