so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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