ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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