i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
