Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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